ANSWERS AND SORROWS IN US....

First of all, let's make it clear that;
"I love my country :
I have swung on its plane trees,
I have stayed in its prisons.
Nothing can overcome my spleen
as the songs and tobacco of my country... "

as Nazim wrote and begin to question what is going on...

(We Anatolians like to use idioms, proverbs, sayings in our conversations. Excuse me if I may not translate them very well but I have to use some here to explain myself. )

Neither the questions in my mind are as difficult as those which would be asked at the gates of heaven, nor I am loosing my reason but all I can repeat again and again is; "May God give intelligence to all of us!"

I am thorn between many feelings. Like the elders said; "if you spit down it can hit your beard, if spit up hit the mustache." There is no option of taking a side and rejecting other. This is "our" country and all is "our" people. This republic is founded altogether and so hard that we neither have the luxury nor any rights to say anything like "the ox is dead, the partnership is broken" or "herd these camels or leave this lands".

We all know the theory and practical explanations of fascism, anti fascism, nation, nationalism, ethnic nationalism, capitalism, communism, state, democracy, ethnicity, self determination, economics of ideologies- regimes, revolution, national liberation, their relations with religion, sex and gender or war, guerrilla war, armed struggle, strategies, tactics, urban, rural etc..etc...

I am putting the facts side by side, as much as I can under the light of above definitions and can't reach any ends. Put any other information aside and have a look to wikipedia (a source where anybody can edit); http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PKK Anybody who can read behind the lines and curious enough to fallow the foot notes, references and external links might easily find h/ h self confused, lost in making any analyses, reaching conclusions.

Every little development is surprising me one after another for months. Even in my dreams, I wouldn't believe I will really witness all these in my life time. PKK was already an ethnic nationalist organisation in many people's opinion but now, more and more are taking a step further and beginning to use the term "ethnic fascist".

Here is only one example to think on and try to get out if you can;

This is the death threat mailed by PKK to CHP, MHP, DYP and AKP to withdraw their Van and Hakkari candidates allowing a DTP dominance during the 2007 elections, a few months ago.

"With the exception of DTP all candidates in Van and Hakkari from CHP, MHP, DYP and AKP must withdraw themselves and offer their support to Kurdish people. Our people must demonstrate their Kurdishness in the elections. If any different approach develops, our approach will also be different. [...] Whoever continues the activities we mentioned here will be punished. Who ever damages our movement or our party [DTP] will not be forgiven in any way. They should know that they are facing death."

Forget any attacks to military or civilians, forget any murders and all, stop and think only above threat on "people" of the area; the Kurds, Turks, Arabs, Suryanis...

One may ask;
- "What is the state, military, government, political parties etc (like them or not) are doing?"
- "But we are criticizing the Article 301 of Turkish Penal code, seeing it as a 'threat to freedom of expression' and working for it's removal. How can the the treat for such a 'Kurdishness' can be explained?"
- "But we are wanting the government to think on a new amnesty for PKK, how come such 'punishment and death threats' and 'forgivenesnes' can be explained?"
- "Which is more democratic; PKK's death threats or Turkiye's calls to benefit from existing amnesty laws?"

It is so esy to differ the difference between the tactics of and armed struggle and terrorism. Questions can go on for pages. Answers are there, clear in front of us whether we want to see them or not. That is right; "whether we want to see them or not!"

Unfortunately; this state, military, many governments fallowing one another hurt us very much for decades. The deep psychology created in us, chronic trauma we faced for generations don't let us want to see, voice some of those answers.

It was this state, this military who made us live 3 military coups, put millions to prisons, tortures in intervals, automatically hate police, change our way not to pass police stations.

There is no doubt that every honest citizen regardless to their age, belief, ethnicity, ideology or age love this COUNTRY, MOTHERLAND. But we are treated so roughly, so cruelly for decades that we are not able to heal yet, to make peace with our "state" and "military" yet.

Love is there, buried in us. It was our love to this country what made us to survive and will survive. As always, we may give our lives, heads but not our country, our people. But about our state, military, what about facing our past altogerher and closing the old books. It is not enough for people to love, they need to be loved too.

Times have changed, things aren't what they used to be (or as in Turkish proverb; old raw glasses became drinking glasses). Can't it be the time to recognize real enemies and forget illusions? Can't it be the time for this state, this military to make peace with the people they wounded first? Don't the whole people (Turkish, Kurdish whatever) of these lands more important than any fake organisation we already know what it is? Can't we unite and overcome the whole world than?...

Answers are shining in darkness. Whether seen or not we, people are here, holding the whole answers but in sorrow... It passed so long but we are still in the same sorrow of Nazım's...We, people have their answers but will our "state", "military" ever answer us about past in any language?..

You are my enslavement and my freedom
You are my flesh burning like a raw summer night
You are my country
You are the green silks in hazel eyes
You are big, beautiful and triumphant
And you are my sorrow that isn't felt
the more I feel it.