ALWAYS A LITTLE LATE

Operations are fallowing one another. This morning, only 4 hours ago, Turkish planes hit 8 caves and winter hideouts at Zap area. God knows where they are hitting at this minute. We try to comfort ourselves thinking it is a “no mans land”, with the words of a Northern Iraqi Kurdish official “where only PKK and bears live”. We try to think that the northern Iraq Kurdish Authority already evacuated the villagers from the area, no civilians may hurt, no children would cry.

We are against the terror but we are against the war too. We can’t tear of that sadness burning deep inside. What makes me worried most are the “opinions” of the readers under the news articles. Though there are still many logical ones, “nationalism” and “hate” are increasing at both sides. One can’t stop to think if this is planned and how far it may go. It is obvious how we come to this point but we are that kind of people who can realize a little late.

There is an interview with DTP deputy Fatma Kurtulan (whose husband is a PKK leader) at Radikal newspaper today. She says (sorry for mistakes in translation);

"In front of television at every operation, every dispute I am holding my breath while the lists are announced, thinking if my surname would be read too. Fire burn where it falls... Watching TV holding your breath thinking 'If he is there too?', only people who lived it may understand that situation. In the result, I also worry against operations. I feel carried away worrying for his life. I mean I hope, I wish nothing would happen. I know he is living. They give the names. Some news papers, Roj TV announce the names, ID of the ones who loose their lives. So, I know he is not between them. I would hear if it happens...

I am a result created by Kurdish problem. I am one of the rumpled, extinguished house's fires, one of the victims, strugglers. Children didn't see the parents. Fathers didn't see his children. Spouses separated. Mothers left without their children. We are the product of such a reality. I am sure no families with children at military service can find any peace whenever they hear new operations. They also look for theirs in the lists of names in front of TVs just like me, or any one with husband, daughter, and any relative in PKK. They say 'Thanks God' when they don't hear the name... Lists are announced. At the other hand, you live both the happiness of ‘not mine' and the sadness one in other. Of course it is important for me that my husband is alive...

…. We stayed married with Salman Kurtulan for 1.5 years. I know the conditions which sent my husband there very well. He lived a period like September 12, 1980. Introduced to jail, torture at an age of a child. We are a generation who lived Maraş Massacre with that child heart of ours. We are relatives... All along our togetherness, what he lived at September 12th 1980 stole my peace like dark clouds. He is somebody who was recorded as dead as soon as he was taken in custody at September 12th. Somebody directly listed as dead. What happened at the end... He found himself at the mountains... I continuously saw him in my dreams in blood when he shared his departure for the first time. Saw him dead. It was hard for him too. At the end it is a road which may end with death. It was not something he preferred, loved so much. It is vital for me. At the end he believed he can express himself there. There was nothing I can do... (with tears in her eyes) It was too hard for me too. Anyway, I couldn’t stop even if I want…”

Is there anything one can deny in these words? Not one other than the choice and consequences. But if she thinks these experiences lived, belong only to the Kurdish citizens or performed by only Turkish citizens of this country, she is totally mistaken...(BTW some news reports says that CIA will/ is ? release the documents between 1973- 1979 ?, should fallow and read, may give important hints on all these massacres, military coups etc)

Didn’t we all lived similar experiences, experienced similar feelings? Didn’t the mothers of thousands waited in front of only TV channel worrying for their sons’, daughters’ fate all before, along and after the September 12, 1980? Didn’t/ don’t we check the news several times a day for our sons at military service? We love our country but do we love death? Didn’t we all lived and wounded with all those massacres in Maras, Malatya, Çorum, and Bloody Mayday of Istanbul? Will we ever able to erase the images from our minds? How many people of this country visited and spent years in jails? How many survived the tortures? How many left the country as refugees? How many took, how many dreamed the mountains? Didn’t… How… What… etc… again endless questions with clear answers.

Wishes are always limited with possibilities and choices belong to people’s own logic. One may “wish” best but can “choose” the best only between the “possibilities” using h/h “logic”. It is also for human to make mistakes. Ideologies are complex things for mind and logic to put in action, perform or participate. How much political education we have, we can be still open to mistakes. It is same for individual and groups.

It is right that it was a time, a period with little possibilities to choose. It was an unlucky (or lucky depending to point of view) generation to be a member. But, why passing the burdens from generations to generations? Why turning it to a bloody feud, loosing the political grounds, forgetting the ideological bases? Making new generations share our fates, condemned to your past experiences?

This lady is neither alone to feel sorry for, nor her experiences are excuse for reaching the end of terrorism. It is not a must to take arms and join the groups in the leadership of ex revolutionaries to give political struggle. The time of that generation is passed but that generation is insisting on throwing next generations into a worse fire. They insist because they don’t know anything else to do, any other life to live. There is no difference with them and bloody nationalists any more.

There is also another question disturbing the mind; did any PKK leaders ever dead in any clashes? Are there any from the leaders who died under hot fire, fighting? Are there any leaders other than the ones executed by the orgonisation itself because of inner conflicts? We didnt/ don't hear any while young ones are dying everyday. We can't even have time or possibility to know their names, numbers. But Mr. leaders are under an invisable protectinon of mysterious forces, God knows what.

A third but very short news of today is about a phone from a PKK militant to his mother. At the captured phone talk he said they lost 346 friends and have many wounded. When his mother begged him to surrender, he replied he can’t. He can’t because 6 were executed by the leadership only a day before the operations began. PKK ordered execution for all who try to run away.

It is not written in any guerilla handbook to keep members against their will, to make children to fight in any wars, to target innocent. Feel sorrow, worry a lot because there are children trapped in mountains and there are adults with mysterious plans, mysterious interests. We are that kind of people who realize a little late, wonder what the youngsters of our day will realize in future. Now is the time of our grandchildrens' generation, leave them free..